PSYCHOLOGY DIDN’T CHANGE ME, IS AN UN EDITED POST OF WHO I WAS 4 YEAR AGO, That’s my story.
Actually I woke up on 31st 2012 at that night I was hoping to make it to 2013 of course I did make it. I was so happy that I made it, I made a lot of new year resolutions not to Steal, Lie, Talk back at Mum, Go out of the house , To be a good Son, no to Cheat, Hate, and also to love myself cos I don’t.
Jan, Feb, Mar, April which was my birthday month and it was on 7th I couldn’t celebrate it cos the family was broke, gosh what a hard luck I was angry, but for real everything changed to the extent that I didn’t keep any of my resolution because I felt it doesn’t work out that way, but actually am not that so bad bad person am good inside out even when u talk and gist u will see how sincere my words are.
May, Jun, July, August, I was trying to make friends but one thing which was certain about me is that i am a loner, actually am Lonsome because of how my life is and was, u wana know? Huh am Gona tell u ok!
Actually I was a very handsome SON that got damaged at the the age of 10 after I came back from school D.M.G.S Onitsha. Actually it’s was a home accident, but let me tell you something you got to Know every thing about me changed when i was discharged from Iyi Enu Hospital, Ogidi after a year of 3’rd degree burns, hope u got? Yea I taught as much!
Everything that made sense to me changed, all I loved and liked ran out from me because I looked like what they don’t understand, yea I know what you want to say that they still kids or something you lied they are grown ups ok! Trust me they say they love you and you looked different they’v got to bounce ok, just know that.
Then I was traumatized at the age of 11 still a growing up kid it was so bad for me and I know u don’t know how it feels don’t f$$king tell me you do. Ok wait am going to tell you listen.
Do u know how many times I was denied to see my self in the mirror? How many times I have been to surgery in different orthopedics both in and out of the country huh? Not your getting close do u know when I was tender at 13 if kids saw me they run all out and cry, walking in the street people always stair at me saying sorry to me and some grown up looking like am a UFO,
gosh now you feel how I am then. I felt like dying a lot times by killing my self committing suicide, no second thoughts about living.
I guess i didn’t die that night I had the accident and also in the hospital because I was destined to live boo, hope you got that?
Looking back at my childhood it’s all a mess looking at how dad always wipe my ass with canes, wires and tells me you are a waste and you are no good to me and I cried all the time and endured all that because i had no other place to go and I had 2 brothers and a little sister i look after now as she’s a grown up woman. If at all the pains I have been through my life and how dad flogs me in our apartment with my younger ones in Women Hostel Ogidi I still fu$King love you dad Mr Sam Obumneke Okeke. I know one day you will be proud of me dad am not a waster, am a son!!!!!!!
May, Jun, July, August, Sept, Oct, all I do is to open account in all the social sites looking for a friend who can understand me only for me to find out in December that all pals are just fake nothing has ever been real and get something straight to your skull now am just a loner and am not even interested in you or your fu$king money that you might be getting illegally or asking your mum, dad bf or gf to give you because if I am you would be giving me 20 Naira in the market place, churches, social gatherings and all that. Ok pls! All I am looking for is a motivation or just give me just lil of your time and listen out carefully to me and share your time with me nothing else.
I miss u grandma though dad sent me out several nights to sleep outside the house, you begged him and he refused and you slept outside with me in the cold, I won’t forget you Mrs Rosalyn Mogor, R.I.P grandma. Am at this point in my life just because of 2 people.
1 is God, 2 is my Mum Dr. Mrs Ify Obumneke Okeke. Mum you know I love you a lot though I don’t love myself but I won’t forget all the money you spent on me buying drugs, saline water, fruits, food and most of all the love you gave me back as your first son.
Mum I still remember that night I got burnt you got burnt in your hands and legs too just to save your son and all the loans you took from banks just to make sure am alive.
It looks to you that I don’t seem to remember all that mum, I do, I know I don’t have a single diary but my brain still has it all I love u mum.
To Chiso, Mmexo, Idimma, and Adaobi I love u all lovely siblings. I just remembered the first time I returned from hospital after a year my lil sister did say to me Kosy u look like a white, lol yea lol.
Why my looks is like this is that I have keloid in my genes that is why! Am so angry now can’t comprehend what to type again may be in my next write up.
Am Obum Kosy, Psychology Student. Unizik.
But now i do guess alot of things did change, now i have a mind of my own, am happy, respectful, adviser, taking it one step at a time, i learnt how to cope with myself, accommodate people and also love myself most importantly me believing and hoping on the un-ending love and grace of God upon my life brought about this blog www.kayobum.blogspot.com
to inspire those that think like i used to 4 years earlier.